Trying to Make Sense of What Makes No Sense

I, like many, have been trying to make sense where there is no sense of the devastating loss that took place at Sandy Hook Elementary.  My mind is still reeling from this tragedy.  I have 3 children myself and cannot imagine losing any one of them.  I cannot even begin to imagine what those parents and families are going through or how one would move on from this.

I was on Facebook when I read someone’s post about something occurring in Connecticut.  Megan, our 9-year-old, was off of school on Friday so I was trying to get information without her finding out.  She already deals with some anxieties, mainly worrying way too much about things a 9-year-old should never have to concern themselves with.  My husband happened to be home on Friday too so we fed each other bits and pieces of information throughout the day.  Megan knew something was going on, and had asked at one point but then never pursued it.  I think she knew it was something she was not ready to hear.

Friday evening Anna and Ethan had a Christmas show at their preschool.  It was rather bitter-sweet.  It was a wonderful show, and the kids were adorable but I could not help but think of all those children who were perhaps putting together a show for their parents that would never happen.  Right before the show the Pastor stood up and spoke and did make mention of the Sandy Hook tragedy, again Megan never asked for clarification.

After the Christmas show all three children went home with grandma and grandpa to spend the weekend with them.  They had a great time and were actually very busy!  I always find the silence when they are gone a little too silent, I missed them terribly but was glad they could spend some time with their grandparents and have fun.  They came back home on Sunday…pretty exhausted!  :)

Throughout the weekend I went back and forth on if I should say anything to Megan and, if so, what are even the right words.  On Sunday I received an email from her school’s PTO asking all kids to wear to blue to show support and honor all the victims at Sandy Hook. That was my cue that I had to say something to Megan.  At the time this came to light, I was putting Anna and Ethan to bed. We read a Bible story every night before bed and each say a prayer.  When I told Megan I told her what happened without going into detail.  I did not want her to be caught off guard if it came up at school, but I did not think she really needed to hear the horror that was involved.  She asked me why someone would do this to all those little kids, I had no words other than he listened to the evilness inside instead of listening to God’s goodness.  We each said our personal prayer and each one of us said a prayer for the victims and families of those in Newton, CT.

A friend ours had told Megan once when it rains it is Jesus crying. It rained here all weekend and all I kept thinking all weekend was how hard Jesus was weeping.  In fact, there is one very little verse in the Bible:

Then Jesus wept.

John 11:35 NLT

I keep hoping in the wake of all this tragedy, something good happens.  There was a 1st grade teacher, Victoria Soto who saved her entire first grade class but lost her own life.  I believe that is why she was put here on earth – to save all those children in her class.

Last night on the news there was a story about a teenage boy who lost his life at my Alma Mater Northern Illinois University (NIU) in a hazing incident.  It saddens me that with what happened on Friday it did not make these kids pause to think about how their actions may have serious consequences.

I do not believe that gun laws will change anything one way or the other.  If people want to do harm they will find a way.  I am also not convinced this will prevent other things from occurring, such as bullying.  Although, if this makes even one person stop to think before bullying another then I guess that is one less person being hurt by someone else.