Life has Gotten Messy Lately, Plus 7 Tips to Help You Cope

You may have noticed I have not posted for the past couple of weeks. Well, life has gotten messy lately.  My mom recently fell and was in the hospital, while there she was diagnosed with dementia.

Life has Gotten Messy

Life has gotten messy over the past couple weeks.

The evening of July 11th, my husband and daughter’s (15) birthdays, I received a call from paramedics telling me my mom had fallen at Curves while doing Zumba. She turned and lost her footing. They were taking her to the hospital. I was with my family at my twins swim meet, volunteering as the starter, ie. “Take your mark” then do the buzzer.

Having been with my mom at several falls, I knew that she would be in the emergency room for hours. I called my brother-in-law to see if he could go stay with her. He did and kept me updated throughout the entire evening.

** A side note, this same evening when we came home from the swim meet, our over-the-range microwave died! It’s not a priority right now, but it is a bit of a pain to be without a microwave. **

Life has gotten messy over the past couple weeks.

While my mom was in the hospital over the next several days, she was diagnosed with dementia. She was then told she could no longer drive. She also would need 24-hour care, such as Assisted Living. This meant moving from her two-story condo. Both of these things sent my mom through the roof.

My mom has always been extremely stubborn and strong-willed. She is also very independent. Given all of these traits, plus dementia had made her a little more difficult.

For the past couple of weeks, I have been splitting up home visits with my sister and her husband. I visit my mom in the morning, while my brother-in-law visits in the evening.

Since this all began, we are making a lot of headway with her not driving. Most recently, my mom has started to be open to looking at alternative living arrangements. This has all been a huge stress reliever.

Life has gotten messy the past couple of weeks.

Coping Tips

How have I coped over the past couple of weeks?

  1. I took things off my plate. Unfortunately, that was my blog. I focused on the family, which was all I could handle at the time.
  2. I’ve been reading a lot! My escapism has always been reading. It allows me to regroup
  3. By taking one day at a time. There are so many things we need to deal with, which is very overwhelming. We are taking one step at a time through this process.
  4. Unplug, since social media can make me more stressed. I take a break.
  5. I’ve been focusing on what I can control.
  6. Exercise – I know this is hard when you just want to curl up into a ball and let the world pass you by, but it helps. Even if you just take a walk around the block a few times a day, it will help you so much mentally.
  7. A change in mindset. Sometimes bad things happen to actually bring about improvement.

Watch for updates on my mom, and elder care in the near future. I wanted to touch base with everyone and let you know where I’ve been.

I would love to from you if you’ve had similar situations with your parents!

 

(for more Wellness related posts, here).


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About the Author

I am a work from home mom who dearly loves her 15-year-old daughter, 11-year-old boy/girl twins, and husband. I love my life and feel very blessed by what God has provided for me.

Comments

  1. We’re not dealing with this, but I know people who are. It’s very difficult for both them and their parents. No one wants to lose their independence, and I think that’s what makes it so difficult. I know I wouldn’t give up my autonomy so easily.

  2. That’s a lot to be going through. My mom has really bad eyesight and it was only recently when she was in yet another car accident that she finally agreed to give up driving. It’s so hard on all of us to cope with these changes though. I’m glad you found some ways to cope during such a difficult time.

  3. I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I have an uncle who has dementia and it is so life altering. I’m glad that your mom is starting to be more open to change.

  4. My Mom and I are only 17 years apart so she is really young. My dad however passed away unexpectedly at 51. I guess the saying it true that when it rains, it pours!

  5. Reading is a good tip to help get your mind focused and help you relax. Sorry to hear about all of this!

  6. Sorry to hear about your mother. I agree about keeping relaxed though. It can be tough and we all need to just breathe and relax sometimes.

  7. Dawn NIeves says

    I’m so sorry about you mom. I hope you can continue to find things to help you relax and get through this.

  8. Becca Wilson says

    I am so sorry to hear about your mother and what is going on. I know it seems tough now but hopefully it will get better

  9. Hope everything works out for your mom! Life does find a way to get in the way quite often – you have to take care of the important stuff first!

  10. Leigh Anne Borders says

    We are thinking of you and lifting your family up in prayer. I know this has got to be hard. You have some great tips for coping.

  11. I’m so sorry about your mom. Family always comes first and you made the right decisions. Love this tips for coping.

  12. Reesa Lewandowski says

    Oh I am sorry things have been difficult. Coping is a skill that not everyone can deal with.

  13. Wow, that is a lot coming at you! But I admire how you are coping with things and hope that your mom will be all set in a new and easier living arrangement that will be suitable for both you and her. I am currently dealing with my 89 year old dad. He is still driving, believe it or not, but in a very limited perimeter. Although he has not been formally diagnosed with dementia, he does silly things like leaving the water on in his kitchenette. I’m sure the time is coming soon when he will not be able to be as independent as he wants to be.

  14. Gail Dudlicek says

    My mom was also diagnosed with Dementia / Alzhiemers during a hosptial stay for her hysterectomy (we thought she had ovarian cancer-but did not) . However we kind of saw it coming. There had been behaviors that caught our attention in the months leading up to the diagnosis. In the beginning once we had here in assisted living, she would call me 30 times a day to yell at me and tell me that I was a horrible daughter. It was very hard to handle. My only sibling is developmentally disabled and living with my mom. I thank God every day that my husband was there to help me. To make a VERY LONG story short – 5 years later, we just moved her to a full on nursing home, in the lock down memory care unit. She cannot take care of her personal hygiene. The throws everything out: her cell phone, the remote for the tv, the pink sparkly Sperry shoes that were mine that I had given her. Clothes, knick knacks and jewelry. She does not know who I am. She recognizes that I am familiar, but not that I’m her daughter. I have chosen to remember the mom that she was. If you’d like to chat some time, let me know and we can meet for coffee.

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