Tell Your Kids They are Donor Conceived, it May Be Uneventful

If you conceived children through third-party reproduction, you may be in the same situation we were in. When you’re going to tell your kids they are donor conceived, and what to say. Running through the scenario a million times, with all the possible outcomes.

Tell Your Kids They are Donor Conceived

Tell your kids they are donor conceived. You may be surprised at how uneventful it is!

Honestly, we questioned even telling our twins we had the help of donor eggs to conceive them. However, we didn’t want to treat it as a big ugly secret. Also, we felt the medical history may at some point be important. Once we decided to tell them, then it was a matter of when and how. We didn’t want to make it a big sit down discussion, rather during the course of conversation.

Unlike conversations with our older daughter, the opportunity didn’t seem to ever present itself. Our oldest daughter, Megan, was very curious and always asked a ton of questions. Throughout Megan’s childhood, as the opportunity arose, we weaved in how I needed to use someone else’s eggs to have more babies.

As Anna and Ethan have gotten older, I started worrying about how they would take the news. Would they resent me for not telling them sooner? Would they feel I wasn’t their “real” mom? I was genuinely worried.

 

The Beans Are Spilled

Soooo, a couple of weeks ago I came downstairs and was confronted by Megan with Anna and Ethan on her heels. Megan, “Mom, Anna and Ethan are adopted, right?” I looked at her in stunned silence. Then she corrected herself, “well not adopted, but you got the eggs from someone else”. As I stared at her, I realized that I had to be honest at this point…but keep it simple.

I said, yes, we did you someone else’s eggs, and how after Megan was born I was told I couldn’t have any more babies. We tried everything I could think of for 4 years, acupuncture and Chinese Herbal Medicine, and went to a ton of different Infertility Specialists. However, nothing changed and I needed to accept things the way they were. Most importantly, I needed to be thankful for and enjoy our daughter Megan.

But, after several months, their dad showed me a clip on the news about donor eggs. Now, I admit donor eggs was presented to me by every Infertility Specialist. However, I wasn’t ready to accept that fate and promptly tossed the packet into the recycle bin when I got home. This time was different though, I was really open to it and we decided this was right for us.

Anna and Ethan’s response, Anna: “Oh, ok”, and Ethan: “Cool, that’s really neat”. I asked if there were any questions. “Nope”.

I’m sure there will be more questions in the future, but am relieved that the initial conversation is done! I couldn’t believe after all that worrying, Megan just pulled the rug out from under me and ended the whole thing. Honestly, it was probably the best way for it to come to light.

If you used third-party reproduction, have you told your child(ren)? How was it for you?

(more parenting posts here)


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About the Author

I am a work from home mom who dearly loves her 15-year-old daughter, 11-year-old boy/girl twins, and husband. I love my life and feel very blessed by what God has provided for me.

Comments

  1. I think our own fears of telling our kids something are generally far more overblown than the reality. Kids are so matter of fact if they know they’re being told like it is. I LOVED their reactions.

  2. Allison Cooper says

    I think that you handled this conversation so well! The fear that we have about handling these tough conversations can sometimes get the best of us, but kids understand more than we give them credit for.

  3. I didn’t have this issue to have to worry about telling my kids. But, I imagine parents overthink issues all the time that turn out to be no big deal. Or perhaps they’re a big deal when the kids are older if you decided to wait.

    Glad things went smoothly

  4. Kids know so much more than we realize they do so sharing this sort of thing might not be as exciting or new to them as we think it will be.

  5. That must have been a tough pickle to be in on the spot. I think being honest is the best policy though!

  6. I could only imagine. I think I would be a bit nervous to tell them if I had gone through this. It’s a tough one, but it’s so important to always be honest with everyone.

  7. We didn’t use third party reproduction. I couldn’t even imagine what that conversation would look like if we did.

  8. I’m a classic over thinker so I always feel like conversations with my child about certain subjects might become serious. I’m glad you could have such open communication with your kids and everything went pretty smooth!

  9. We are open in our family so we pretty much tell how it is. They usually don’t want to hear any more after we start talking about it. lol

  10. We didn’t have to have this discussion, but I think with most things, if it is just always open information, it is no longer scary.

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